We all have stories we tell ourselves. We may not even realize we are telling ourselves these stories until we step back and take a look.
I can’t work for myself — I don’t have what it takes. I could never date a guy like that, I’m just not confident enough. I can’t be an artist, I’ll never make enough money.
These stories are often rooted in childhood. If you think back and examine a story you have, when did you first learn that story? Can you even remember? We pick up stories easily from our parents. Stories like, You’re not good enough unless you are a doctor, lawyer, astronaut. Stories like, You shouldn’t bother pursuing your art, it will never amount to anything. Stories like, You need to get married and have kids by 30 (or else?).
Some stories we pick up along the journey of life. We may pick them up from society based on what is considered “approved” by the majority.
Some stories we make up entirely on our own. I must be a loser since I haven’t had a boyfriend in a year.
We have so many stories inside of us, we may not even be aware of them all, where they came from, and how they affect our life.
Imagine if one of my stories is I’m nothing unless I’m a doctor or lawyer. How is that affecting my career? What if I don’t want to be a doctor or lawyer? Chances are, if I truly believe this story, I haven’t even considered other options.
Along the same lines, if one of my stories is I’m not lovable or I’m a loser at dating, how will I show up in the dating world? It’s likely that I won’t even try. Or I’ll look for ways that confirm my loser-dom. Or, I’ll end up sabotaging potential relationships because I always have this story playing in the back of my mind.
As you perhaps can tell, many of these stories are the shiny colorful wrapping paper masking the deeper, darker “I am not good enough” message. Rest assured, we all have had some version of that message playing at some time or another in our lives.
It’s important to realize that these stories are in fact stories; in other words, they are not real. So we can separate ourselves from these stories, once we realize what they really are. We can question their existence and their purpose in our lives. We can ask ourselves: Is this story the truth? And, if not, what is the truth?
Yes, it’s true: Our stories define us. But, the good news is, we can choose which stories define us. If the one we are currently playing out in our lives is not helping us in any way, we can change it and create a new story.
I am a dating loser becomes I am magnet for love and am attracting the right people.
I am only good enough if I’m a doctor or lawyer becomes I am good enough, no matter my profession or I choose to pursue the profession that lights me up, and that is good enough. What stories are you playing out in your life? How can you change your stories to better support you?
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